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Sports Wrap-Up

Sports wrap-up – 19 December 2022

Sporting events were a bit bonkers this past weekend. Let’s take a look!

The World Cup Final was on Sunday, and boy, it delivered. I missed the first half because it started at 8 o’clock in the morning and frankly, I forgot it was on, but I began watching at halftime and couldn’t turn it off. I wanted Argentina to win, as the lesser of two evils (I didn’t want France to repeat, basically), but I didn’t really have a stake in the outcome, and it was just fun to watch. Mbappé’s second goal was a thing of beauty, and Messi’s second goal in extra time was phenomenal. Even the penalty kicks were interesting! It would have been too bad if Argentina lost, because they really dominated about 110 of the 120 minutes, so I guess justice was served. However, I do have some nit-picks with fútbol in general, as a Dumb ‘Murican™. First of all, I’ve always hated the running clock. The fact that literally no one knows when the game is going to end and it relies, basically, on whether a referee wants it to end is bush league. I hated it when I played intramural soccer in 1979, and I hate it now. It’s idiotic. Second, one of my Facebook friends said, basically, that ‘Muricans are stupid because we don’t appreciate the beauty of a 0-0 draw. Oh, the beauty!!!!! I commented (in a comment that hilariously got a “hate speech” warning from Facebook, possibly because I used the phrase “stupid Americans” ironically) that ‘Muricans don’t hate the 0-0 draws, they hate the fact that so many teams go into defensive shells for 80-90 minutes of a 90-minute game, and it’s boring to watch. If Argentina and France had played to a 0-0 draw but literally everything was the same about the game except the balls not finding the back of the net, it would have been a great final. Both teams went for it, in other words, and it was fun to watch. So it’s not the score that ‘Muricans don’t appreciate, it’s cowardly fútbol. Finally, there has to be a better way to settle games that PKs. It’s as if the Super Bowl goes to overtime, remains tied, and then they have a field goal kicking competition to decide it. It’s why I’m not ready to call this the best WC Final ever, even though it was a great game. I don’t know how to change it. I have two dumb suggestions which are still better than penalty kicks: In extra time, every five or ten minutes, teams have to take one player off the field and not replace them. Five-on-five soccer, anyone? OR: Instead of PKs, have two offensive players start at midfield against one defender (and the keeper) and have them play a mini-2-on-1. At least it simulates game action! PKs are annoying in the flow of the game (I mean, was Mbappé’s hat trick really that impressive when two of the goals were PKs?), but to decide the World Cup? Stupid. Still, it was a good game. I’m glad everyone pretending Qatar isn’t a garbage country for a month worked out well.

Moving on to real football, the actual most popular sport in the world because it’s the most popular sport in the States, and that’s really all that matters, the National Football League was bananas this weekend. The Thursday night game was dull (although, as an Eagles fan, San Francisco scares the crap out of me), but the first game of the weekend, the Indianapolis-Minnesota game, set the tone for things. It was, actually, a garbage game, as both teams tried desperately to give the game away, but Colts turned out to be just a bit better at that than the Vikings, and it became historic thanks to that. Indy blocked a punt that they returned for a touchdown, an interception that they returned for a touchdown, and the Vikings couldn’t get out of their own way (see below) in the first half, and the Colts led 33-0 at the half. 33-0! With only 30 minutes to go! There were warning signs, though. The Colts kicked four (4) field goals in the first half, despite three of those FG drives starting at their own 48, the Minnesota 31, and the Minnesota 31 again, while one of their touchdown drives began at the Vikings’ 5-yard-line. If they had scored a touchdown on at least one of those field goal drives, especially the ones that began in Minnesota territory, they probably win. They should have had at least 40 points at the half, but they couldn’t maximize the scoring opportunities. In the second half, they led 36-7 with less than 20 minutes to go in the game, and at that point, all they wanted was for the clock to run out, but they kept throwing the ball and stopping the clock with incompletions. After Minnesota’s second touchdown, they ran three plays and just over a minute, with two incomplete passes. After Minnesota’s third touchdown, they got 2-and-a-half minutes off the clock, with one incompletion. Then they intercepted Kirk Cousins at their own 2-yard-line with 8 minutes left. The Colts ran three plays and punted, having taken less than a minute off the clock, and two of the plays were incompletions! After the Vikings scored again, they finally ran the ball, and shockingly, they took two minutes off the clock, which they could have done the previous two possessions! This drive ended because their running back fumbled, but at least they took a good chunk of time to get to the fumble! Indianapolis got the ball back with just under three minutes left, still leading, and actually got a first down before Minnesota took their timeouts. Matt Ryan couldn’t get a first down on a 4th-and-1 sneak play (and play, I should point out, that Philadelphia has run successfully 28 times this year, including two more touchdowns on Sunday), and the Vikings got the ball back and scored on the first play, which still left over two minutes to go, but the Colts offense was garbage, and the loss was inevitable at that point. Yes, teams need to stay aggressive, and I pointed out the hatred of the “defensive shell” that soccer teams go into when they have a lead. But this was a HUGE lead, and as a coach, you have to know you’ve gotten very lucky and those quirky things that happened in the first half aren’t going to happen in the second half, and all you need is for the clock to run out. Indy probably shouldn’t have thrown a pass from about the middle of the third quarter on, and they probably would have won because Minnesota would have run out of time. But that’s why they’re a bad team. The Vikings still don’t scare me, because even though they came back, they are more than capable of playing like they did in the first half, and against a good team, that won’t cut it.

Phew! That was just the “first” game of the weekend! (Does Thursday night count as the “weekend”?) I missed the next two, mostly, but I watched the end of the Miami-Buffalo game and got to see the Bills win in the snow, which is always fun. Then Sunday came, and things got, if possible, even more bonkers than what we saw in Minneapolis. The Eagles continued to roll, beating Chicago to go to 13-1, although it was a lot harder than everyone thought it would be. Well, not me, because I always think Eagles games are going to be tough, because I’m an Eagles fan and a fatalist, but while they were never in too much danger (they took the lead just before the half at 10-6 and were never in a position to lose the lead in the second half), it was still too close for comfort. Chicago’s only hope was for their quarterback, Justin Fields (who’s really the only offensive weapon they have), to do more things like this:

The Philly defense was just too good, though, and sacked Fields six times and didn’t let them get into any rhythm. They kept it close because of a bad fumble and a stupid coverage breakdown, but the Eagles were just better. Philadelphia needs to win only one more game out of the next three to clinch the #1 seed. And, because it’s Philly and we can’t have nice things, Jalen Hurts, their MVP candidate quarterback, is hurt and might miss two games. Jeebus. It would still be hilarious if the Eagles beat Dallas on Saturday on the road with a back-up quarterback.

Speaking of Dallas … bwah-ha-ha-ha. The Cowboys, with hopes of winning the division (and, I guess, getting the #1 seed?) still alive, went on the road to Jacksonville, who were playing pretty well but were still 5-8, and went up 27-10 … and lost in overtime. BWAH-HA-HA-HA, MOTHERFUCKERS!!!!! Dak Prescott threw a stupid interception deep in his own territory with his team leading 27-17, which led to a touchdown. With the Cowboys having retaken the lead at 34-31, they got a fumble by Jaguars QB Trevor Lawrence with 1.38 left. Jacksonville had all their timeouts, but you run it three times and make them take them all, and punt it back to them and pin them deep. Dallas ran it twice … then threw a very low-percentage deep ball that didn’t get caught, leaving Jacksonville with one timeout. It turned out to be crucial, as Jacksonville got just close enough, they kicked the tying field goal with no time on the clock, and then, in overtime, they intercepted a pass and ran it back for the game-winning touchdown:

It’s not exactly Prescott’s fault, but that’s still a tough throw to make, and while the receiver should have caught it, it’s still hard. The Cowboys still made the playoffs thanks to Washington’s loss later that night, but you can’t feel good about them. They just make too many bone-headed mistakes.

The Chiefs, meanwhile, struggled to put away lowly Houston, needing overtime and a fumble recovery to punch in the winning touchdown, while Detroit beat the Jets to inch closer to the playoffs. The Jets got the ball back with about 1.45 left and they had all three timeouts, yet they had to get a miracle on 4th-and-18 just to attempt a really long field goal to tie, which missed. It was a clinic on how not to run a two-minute drill.

The late games continued the wackiness. The Chargers beat the staggering Titans, but Tennessee did get a interception at the end of the half that looked like this:

That’s a heads-up play there. Too bad it didn’t mean anything in the long run.

Tampa Bay and their geriatric quarterback got out to a 17-0 lead on Cincinnati, and it was 17-3 at the half. Then, in the second half, Tom Terrific decided he had had enough of winning and just … gave the game away. I mean, first we got the fake punt that everyone knew was going to be a fake except, I guess, the dude who was going to execute it (not the best view, but oh well):

Then Brady said “hold my beer” and proceeded to throw an interception and then fumble the ball twice before throwing another interception, all on consecutive possessions and all inside Tampa’s territory, turning a 17-6 lead (the Bengals kicked a field goal after the fake punt debacle) into a 34-17 deficit in the blink of an eye. The second fumble was particularly egregious:

I am totally here for Brady looking like crap. Satan gave you twenty years, Tommy, and now he’s come to collect!!!!!

Then, of course, there was New England-Oakland (ok, Las Vegas, but that still sounds as stupid as the Los Angeles Chargers). The Raiders had a 17-3 lead before Derek Carr inexplicably threw this interception:

New England managed to take the lead, 24-17, before the Raiders tied it with 32 second left on this very dicey touchdown catch:

I mean, it seems pretty clear that his second foot was out of bounds, but they couldn’t determine it with any conclusiveness, so the call stood.

Usually, in these situations, the team might run one play and, if they pop it for a decent gain, they’ll try to win, but otherwise, they’ll go to overtime. But the Patriots got to 3rd-and-10 with 3 seconds left, and they were nowhere near the end zone or even a place where they could try a field goal. So, they did … this. It’s glorious, and while I’m sure many have you have seen it, I hope some of you haven’t, because it is possibly the dumbest play in NFL history:

I mean, it’s beautiful. I’ve hated the Patriots for most of this century, so to see them absolutely shatter like this is wonderful. I mean, look at Chandler Jones absolutely wreck New England’s quarterback, Mac Jones, who dared try to stop him from heading to the end zone:

Glorious. The madness wasn’t quite done, though, as Washington hosted a reeling New York Giants team on Sunday night, and Washington was coming off a bye, had played (and tied) the Giants the week before the bye, and the Giants spent last week getting curb-stomped by the Eagles, yet Washington lost. Bwah-motherfucking-ha, you racist, sexist scumbags! Washington got hosed at least once by the refs at the very end of the game. Their final play was clear defensive pass interference that wasn’t called:

The play that is making all the talking heads even more upset, however, happened a few plays earlier, when Washington actually scored but their wide receiver got penalized for not being on the line of scrimmage. In football, the person on the end of the line of scrimmage has to be eligible to catch a pass. The five offensive linemen are not eligible, so the receiver has to be on the line. Receivers often ask the side judge if they’re where they’re supposed to be, and the official will tell them to move forward if they’re not. That’s what seems to happen here, but you’ll notice that the receiver doesn’t actually move forward when the official tells him to, and when he gives the thumbs-up to the side judge, he’s not looking at him so he doesn’t know if he’s legal at that moment. It’s a penalty. A stupid penalty, maybe, but still a penalty:

Should the official have used a bit of discretion, considering where the receiver lined up had no bearing on the play? Sure. But it’s a penalty. I have a dog in this race, as Washington beat Philadelphia earlier this year, a game in which the Eagles’ tight end was very clearly grabbed by the face mask, causing him to fumble, and it wasn’t called and the Eagles didn’t score in a close game, so fuck Washington, plus they’re owned by a racist, sexist scumbag, to fuck Washington, and their quarterback just has a really punchable face, so fuck him:

After such a weird day, on Monday Green Bay kept its slim playoff hopes alive by beating the moribund Rams. So that sucked.

I’d get into some of the basketball, but man, professional football was too insane this past weekend, and I don’t keep up with basketball as much until late in the season. But it’s coming down to the wire in the NFL, and I am here for it!

What caught your eye in sports recently? Are you as bummed out by the Americans and Germans at the World Cup as I am? Sheesh, Germany, at least the U.S. got past the group stage! In four years, the ‘Muricans are sure to win!!!!!

10 Comments

  1. William Wilson

    “The fact that literally no one knows when the game is going to end and it relies, basically, on whether a referee wants it to end is bush league”

    Can you explain why you think this? Because I suspect you are the only person in the world who thinks this.

    1. Greg Burgas

      I’m not the only person in the world who thinks this. The announcers don’t even know! “Five minutes of stoppage time!” they announce, and then, after 5 minutes, they say things like, “This might be the final moments of the match!” “MIGHT”? They don’t know!!!! It’s not even “five” minutes – it could be 5 minutes and 20 seconds or something like that. So everyone has a vague idea of when the match will end, but nobody except the referee really knows. In a sporting event like this, that feels like a childish way to end things. I know I’m wildly in the minority (a minority of one?), but that’s the way I feel. Time in a soccer match has always bugged the crap out of me! 🙂

      1. William Wilson

        Perhaps I should have been clearer.

        I understand no on apart from the ref knows when the game will end, it’s why you think it’s bush league that caused my question. (A phrase I understand, but as a non American don’t know the origin of)

        I went to my first football game in 1979, and no one since then has ever expressed any annoyance at the fact they don’t know the exact second the ref will blow the whistle. Even when I go to level nine football, we’ll be told there will be a minimum of so many minutes extra time, and you can work out roughly when the game will end.

        It’s the idea of sport running to a strict timetable which I find strange.

        1. Greg Burgas

          I figured out that’s what you meant, so no worries. It just always seemed very bizarre to me that you’re trying to figure out how much time you have left, and only one person knows, and that’s a bit arbitrary. It just feels wrong, but your implication that it’s a cultural thing is probably right. ‘Muricans are raised with a clock (or, in baseball, a set amount of things that can go wrong before you can’t play offense anymore), so it’s just weird to have everyone at the end of games say, “Well, we don’t know when this is ending, so we’ll just keep playing until this one dude decides he doesn’t want anyone to play anymore!”

  2. Der

    Man, are you going to make me defend fut?

    Really Burgas, have we come to that, really?

    (just kidding you know that)

    As a mexican, we played lots and lots and lots of futbol. I don’t really enjoy watching it now(I find it boring to watch….unless I’m with my friend that is completely into futbol, then is more of watching him react to the plays. Fun stuff)

    The not knowing when it ends is really that different from the “this is the last 10 seconds of the game…..it will take like 12-20 minutes to finish!” like they do in the NFL?(I stopped watching nfl games because, well, they bore me too)

    The penalty kicks at the end is fun to watch, but don’t think of that as watching the kicker. For a penalty, you are watching the keeper. Missing a penalty is dumb and hard to do, saving a goal as a keeper is extremely hard. So that’s the fun part(for me)

    And the solutions you propose. I think I like the one of removing players, but if you are angry about defensive teams, boy this solution will just benefit them more than anything(just be a turtle, let them come to you and get tired, and get a lucky long distance goal to finish the game)

    1. Greg Burgas

      Yes, it’s different – as long as some games can take at the end, you can say, “This play will take x amount of time, so we can’t run that.” It forces you to adjust according to the time left. In soccer, everyone plays a bit faster, true, but very often, they don’t seem to do too much different even when they’re desperate. It’s just weird! 🙂

      I’m not saying my solutions are any better than PKs, of course – I’m just spitballing. I’ve just always felt PKs are bizarre, especially in a game where scoring is so difficult. That’s why I don’t think Mbappe’s three goals are as impressive as some do, because two came when they just left the ball in the middle of the field and he had a clear run at the goal. I mean, I’ve scored on a PK in my life (I think once). If I can do it, it’s not a good test of soccer skills!!!!! It just seems to take the skill out of it, and soccer goals are really so beautiful that I hate to see it. Messi’s PK, for instance, was barely struck. He just waited that split second for the keeper to commit and rolled it the other way. Clever, but skillful? I don’t know, I get wanting to end things after 2 hours of running around, but I wish there was a better way.

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