We’re back, with Wizard #83, just one month after our most recent one, so why would I get this one when the news is probably similar to #82? I mean, look at this Adam Hughes cover and tell me you would be able to resist!
Let’s get to it! In the letters, someone asks about DC and Marvel holding the joint trademark on “Super-Heroes.” Wizard explains it a bit, but notes that nobody holds the trademark on “superheroes,” so that’s what they and everybody else uses. Warner Brothers and Disney are thwarted!!!! Someone wonders how John Romita Jr. is able to draw two monthly books, like old-school artists, and then she wonders when people will get off her lawn. Romita says he just works a lot, but I do think that he didn’t last long drawing two books, did he? Marvel was still in bankruptcy, Wizard answers another letter-writer, so that’s good to know. There’s also a survey asking whether Marvel should “out-source” more of its content, as they did with Lee and Liefeld and then Palmiotti and Quesada. A nice 69% of responders say they should not.
On page 22, we get an article about the future of Top Cow. Michael Turner had left Witchblade to launch Fathom, Batt had left Ascension and, as he was co-owner, that made the finances a bit wonky, and Silvestri was giving up penciling The Darkness in order to focus on the company’s other media streams. Top Cow survived, of course (it’s still around today!), but it’s interesting to read something about what’s next, because I’m not sure Silvestri thought it would look like it does today. Or maybe he did!
Some tidbits from the next few pages: Erik Larsen was taking over on Wolverine. I’m not sure how long he lasted. “Marvel Knights” finally got an official name, which was nice. I never read the Tony Harris Dr. Strange comic they mention. Is it any good? There’s an update on where the creators from Awesome — which had suspended publication — went. Brian Pulido was doing a “What If?” story for Marvel called The Supernaturals, with Marc Andreyko writing and Ivan Reis drawing (Pulido plotted it). This is another thing I didn’t read, so I wonder if it was keen or, like far too much of late-1990s Marvel, dumb. Wizard also has a brief article about Aria, with Jay Anacleto on art. Brian Haberlin is very high on Anacleto’s art, but he never did too much here in the States, did he? We get the announcement of Garth Ennis returning to Hellblazer for that five-issue arc he did, which would be followed by Warren Ellis’s run, which did not end well. They give “thumbs up” to DC axing Sovereign Seven, which seems kind of mean, and they give “thumbs down” to Marvel’s manga experiment (the X-Men and Spider-Man ones) because … they cost $2.99 each. TWO DOLLARS AND NINETY-NINE CENTS?!?!?!? Oh, the humanity!!!! Meanwhile, the Kubert School had begun offering correspondence courses. Good for them! Penthouse Comix went out of business — so sad! I own the rebooted version, but that seems to have died, too. I always said a collection of those comics would sell, but maybe not. Meanwhile, Scott Lobdell was relaunching WildC.A.T.s with Travis Charest (which, of course, looked hella cool but did not last), and he was also writing Sunfire & Big Hero 6 — remember, kids, the animated Big Hero 6 movie is technically part of the MCU!!!!
Wizard then gets to their most important article ever: a ranking of the “10 sexiest women to ever grace the comic page.” Oh, Wizard, you know what the nerds want!!!!! (Of course, in the article, all the women are drawn by Joseph Michael Linsner, which means they’re less sexy than they should be!) Let’s check them out: #10 is Psylocke. Sure, why not? Asian Psylocke is cringier today than she was back then, but, I mean, she was pretty hawt! #9 is Rainmaker, from Gen13 (Wizard, once again, is obsessed with Gen13). Now, this is a write-up: “Pocahontas meets ‘Chasing Amy.’ That, and she shoots electricity. Native American Sarah Rainmaker may be one of the more controversial women in mainstream comics due to her alternative lifestyle (pssst — she’s a lesbian), but that doesn’t stop this Gen13er from being a) the perfect Howard Stern guest and b) the kind of girlfriend every single male comic book fan on the planet would trade his collection for (yeah, even his X-Men books).” I mean, that’s … breathtaking, really. Dang, Wizard. #8 is Mystique. I mean, I guess. #7 is Witchblade. Not the way Linsner draws her!
#6 is Storm, and Wizard … well, here we go again: “What if RuPaul really was a woman? Aside from unbreaking the hearts of all those guys who fell in love with him before finding out he used a urinal, you’d have one of the sexiest women alive.” I mean, I guess for Wizard in 1998, that’s … kind of progressive? But still, sheesh. She-Hulk comes in at #5, which is fine, while Tigra checks in at #4 (with Wizard writing “Women with this much body hair are usually restricted to East German Olympic teams” — never change, Wizard!). Linsner’s own Dawn is #3, which seems a bit odd. Did Wizard rank them and then ask Linsner to draw them and he agreed because they ranked Dawn so high, or did only agree to draw them is they ranked Dawn high? Is there a payola scandal at work in this supposedly highly scientific ranking?!?!? Vampirella is #2, and at #1 … we have Catwoman. Sure, I guess. It’s an odd ranking, mainly because comic book artists try to make every woman (and a lot of the men) they draw look sexy, so these women aren’t any sexier than, say, a random Alan Davis drawing of Looker. Still, this is the kind of comics journalism we expect from the flagship comics magazine!!!!
Beginning on page 42, Wizard has an article about trying to decide who’s the the greatest ‘Murican superhero. Oh, this should be fun. They write that a “classic hero” has these attributes: a good origin, fascinating abilities/accessories, a unique costume, a dynamic personality, and “acceptable” motivation, which cracks me up for some reason. They narrowed it down to Superman, Batman, Spider-Man, and Wolverine, because of course they did. They gave points to each hero based on different categories. Batman got the best origin, Spider-Man got the best costume, Superman had the best abilities/accessories, Spider-Man had the best personality. Ultimately, Spider-Man is their “best” hero, with Batman coming in a close second. Yep, [insert Claude Rains gif here]. They do ask readers to email them with their own best choices. If Katie Power didn’t win, I just don’t know what we’re doing here.
On pages 48-54, we get an interesting interview with John Byrne as he prepared to do his Spider-Man thing. I know Byrne has a reputation for being a douchebag, but it’s a pretty good interview — he gives us a lot of information about what he’s up to, and he manages to not slag on anyone or anything, which is nice. He had some ideas about how characters should be used and who should use them, but that’s not controversial. He does say that creators ought to respect the corporate characters they’re working on, which I agree with. If you want to do horrible things to characters that aren’t yours, maybe you shouldn’t be writing for Marvel or DC!
Wizard then gives us their summer preview. They mention that Avengers Forever will be starting in the fall, but they call it by its original name, “World in Chains,” which sounds a bit cooler. There’s a mention of a Joe Kelly Great Lakes Avengers mini-series coming out, but it does not look like that ever materialized. They actually have a blurb about Divine Right, Jim Lee’s book, which they thought would wrap up around issues #15-20 but only made it to #12. Lee had things to do, man! Grant Morrison and Frank “Quietly” were working on a JLA graphic novel — I pick on Wizard for the typo, but I think everyone who’s written a comic book blog in the past 30 years has made the same mistake at least once! Wizard mentions the “James Cameron directing a Spider-Man movie” rumor that circulated at this time, but they do say we shouldn’t count on it. That would have been odd (and Cameron, of course, did not direct another feature film for another decade after this). Adam Pollina was leaving X-Force. Oh noes!!!! Wizard claimed that there was going to be a relationship no one saw coming after the One Million issue of Young Heroes in Love … but that was the final issue of the series. Oh noes!!!!
It’s time for another great Wizard tradition: casting hypothetical movies! On page 82, they cast a Deadpool movie! They cast Henry Rollins as Deadpool, which … I don’t hate it, but it’s interesting because 1998 was kind of the tail end of the “Steroid Manly Men” era that began in the mid-1980s, with Arnold and Sly the standard-bearers for that kind of action hero. Rollins, who was 37 or so at this time, wasn’t that kind of guy, but he did shade that way more than the 21st-century action hero, who wasn’t quite as jacked (there are exceptions, of course, in both eras, but I’m speaking generally). Plus, while Rollins does seem to have a good sense of humor, I’m not sure if he would be believable as such a wise-cracker as Deadpool. It even took Reynolds one go-around to get the character, so who knows if Rollins would have done well with it. Casting Rollins just seems a bit archaic today, but at the time, it probably made a bit more sense. They cast Anne Haney as Blind Alfred, which isn’t a terrible choice, but I’m not sure if Haney could have sold how caustic Alfred is. Maybe she could have. For Dr. Killbrew, they cast Wilford Brimley, mainly because they resemble each other. Who doesn’t like a good dose of Wilfrod Brimley talking about diabeTIS? Guy Pearce is Weasel, and I’ve always liked Guy Pearce, so I think he would have been fine in the role. They put Michael Jeter as Patch, again because they look like each other. Way to be creative, Wizard! I always liked Jeter, too, so sure. They cast Nineties Hot Chick™ Nicole Eggert as Expediter, which … whatever, I guess. Eggert never seemed to be that good an actor, but you don’t hire her for her acting skills, I suppose. They wanted Kate Winslet as Siryn, which seems both not bad and completely wacko. Winslet is a great actor and was coming off Titanic, and she could have done Siryn in her sleep, but what in her young career at the time made Wizard think she’s even consider doing a superhero movie? It took Winslet decades into her career before she decided to loosen up, and I very much doubt she would have even taken a call from someone who wanted her to be in a superhero movie. As T-Ray, they cast Chris Jericho, because the obsession with turning wrestlers into action stars has been a longstanding one. Overboss Dixon is Ben Cross, who plays good, stuffy British people who easily turn evil, so I guess he’s fine. They cast Robin Tunney as Typhoid Mary, which I think would have worked. Tunney was 26 or so at the time and was coming off The Craft, so she was on a bit of a heater, and she has a weird sensibility as an actor that I think would have fit Mary. So that’s Wizard‘s cast. Not quite as good as some of the others, but not terrible. In the real world, we had to wait another decade before Deadpool showed up on screen and another 18 years before he starred in his own movie, and we got T.J. Miller as Weasel (which was fine at the time but turned out badly) and Leslie Uggams as Blind Alfred, who absolutely killed it. We also got the amazing Brianna Hildebrand, so that’s all right.
There’s a two-page article on 86-87 about the Tim Burton-Nicolas Cage Superman movie, which just seems bizarre in retrospect. Cameron Diaz as Lois Lane and Chris Rock as Jimmy Olsen is certainly something (both were only rumors at this point), and Cage addresses the oddness of him playing Superman pretty well, I think. Did any of this ever officially get filmed? What a strange world we would live in if Superman Lives, starring Nicolas Cage and Cameron Diaz, actually existed. On the next few pages, we find out that Witchblade was going to be on TNT in 1998-99, but it didn’t show up until 2001. I continue to wonder what happened, because Wizard seemed to be very confident about it. Maybe we’ll find out in a future issue! There was a brief nugget about Mark Dacascos starring as Eric Draven in the television series The Crow — Stairway to Heaven, which aired for one season. Corey Feldman and Anthony Michael Hall showed up in this show! There’s a note about a bootleg JLA pilot showing up at conventions, and Wizard notes it’s, well, not great. Mark Waid says about it, “It’s 70 minutes of your life you’ll never get back.” Dang, Mark!
We get our regular “how to draw something” article from Wizard, with Tony Daniel showing us how to draw Spawn. These are always neat, although it’s interesting that they’re so specific with this one, as usually the artists are more generic, but here’s Spawn! Next up is Wizard reader art, which was won by Francis Lee with this Iron Man:
I dig it, but … nipples, Francis Lee? Really?
On page 103, we find a Flaming Carrot action figure. Good for the Carrot! On the next page, there are KISS: Psycho Circus figures, which are pretty keen, and monster “playsets,” including a very cool Mummy set. Next we get some statues and busts and a very cool Alex Ross Scary Godmother print. It’s nifty.
The fan-made action figures are always interesting. D.J. Sylvis from beautiful Oil City, Pennsylvania, wins this month’s contest with this very keen Plastic Man:
Wizard, as always, gives us the Top 10 Heroes and Villains. The usual suspects: Witchblade, Wolverine, Spawn, Batman, The Darkness, Deadpool, Captain America, Iron Man, and Superman … plus, Jesse Custer? Well, that’s odd. The “Mort of the Month” is the Weasel, the Firestorm villain. Weasels are nasty animals, so why is he so lame? Who doesn’t dig the Weasel?!?!? Then, Wizard reviews! First up: Cable #48-55, which they don’t love, but which seems to be doing pretty well as Joe Casey took over the writing duties. They hated The Coven #1-5, which, I mean, it’s written by Jeph Loeb, so that’s not a surprise. They think Catwoman #51-56 was mediocre, but Devin Grayson had just taken over, which they thought promised some hope.
On page 139, we find the Top 10 Writers and Artists! Will it be the usual bunch? Of course! Plus, it’s the official second appearance of Thunderbolts, which Wizard claims will rise in value soon enough!
Of course, there’s a top 10 back issue list, but Wizard also has a “Top 10 Chick Title Books” list and a Top 10 B & W Book” list. Fun stuff:
Right under that, we get the top 10 from five years before. Wizard is, as they often are, not afraid to be self-deprecating:
On the final page, Wizard gets in the time machine to go back 9 years, to the summer of 1989. I wonder what was happening in the summer of 1989? Yes, it’s what you’re thinking. They point out that Dead Poets Society also was in theaters in 1989. Recently, I substituted in an English class, and they watched the end of Dead Poets Society (they had watched parts on earlier days). Fun stuff! Roseanne was a big show, The New Kids on the Block were on top of the charts, and Zsa Zsa Gabor was arrested for slapping a policeman. Good for her!
Let’s finish up with some advertisements. Those are always fun!
There you have it! Another issue of Wizard in the books! What will come next? No man can say!!!! Have a nice day, everyone!
