Oh, man, it’s here: Wizard #2000 (that’s what it’s officially called in the indicia, even though it ought to be #100, and I doubt if Wizard did this on purpose back in 1991 or so, but it’s pretty keen they got to #100 just as the decade/century/millennium was ending, I think), chockers with stuff about the future of comics, all of which came true! Can you handle it? Can you even handle the Alex Ross cover?!?!?
Gareb Shamus takes the time in his soapbox at the beginning of the issue to tell us, fumetti-style, about Black Bull, his new comics venture. Man, that didn’t last long, did it? But good for him, anyway! We’ll see more about Black Bull in this very issue! Then it’s on to letters, and the first dude lists his Top Ten of the 1990s (from 10 to 1): Transmetropolitan, Daredevil: Man With Fear, Akira, “Weapon X,” Sin City: Family Values, Kingdom Come, Preacher, Foolkiller (yep), From Hell, and Sandman. Jim McLauchlin, letters editor extraordinaire, responds thusly: Planetary is better (true), Man Without Fear is fine but just an origin retelling, hasn’t read Akira, “Weapon X” blows (I mean, the story isn’t great, but that art — come on!), all Sin City is awesome (debatable) and the first one is the best, Marvels is better, Preacher is a “modern masterpiece” (but, of course, Hitman is better), he tells the letter writer to “get off the pipe” because his brain is rotted, hasn’t read From Hell, and he agrees on Sandman. That certainly isn’t my list, but it’s not terrible. Another writer asks what McFarlane is planning to do with the old Eclipse characters (meaning, of course, Miracleman), and Beau Smith, who’s the executive director of publishing for McFarlane’s empire, told Wizard that they hoped to bring out new Miracleman comics in 2000. I mean, he was off by juuuuust a bit, but I like the optimism! A letter writer loves Leinil Francis Yu and asks some questions about him, but the only interesting one is the kind of music he listens to while he’s working (why does everyone assume artists listen to music while they’re drawing?), to which Yu responds with his five favorite bands at the moment: Weezer, Smashing Pumpkins, Dave Matthews Band, Radiohead, and the Lemonheads. Man, that’s so Nineties I think butterfly clips just appeared in my hair!
Wizard lets us know that Chris Claremont is returning to the X-Men soon, and boy howdy, was that a mess. Claremont claims he wants to focus on new villains, which is fine, but the characters he came up with were … well, let’s just say they were forgettable, because beyond the fact that “white slavers” were a big part of his brief run, I have forgotten them! Poor Claremont. He’s arguably one of the most influential comics creators ever, yet he’s just not that good a writer and everything he’s done since 1991 has been ass. I hope he’s made a lot of money over the years, because that’s all he’s got going for him! On the next page, there’s a brief note about Battle Chasers going dark, as issue #6 was six months late and no one at WildStorm has seen anything from issue #7. Joe Mad was too busy playing video games, it seems!
On page 27, Wizard lets us know that Mark Millar and Frank Quitely would be taking over The Authority after Ellis and Hitch leave. This, of course, did not go as well as everyone thought it would — I’m not sure if people just didn’t know that Quitely couldn’t really do a monthly book for any decent length of time, and Millar ran up against censorship from DC, but Wizard was excited about it! On the next page, we get the news that DC dumped Jim Balent off of Catwoman after 77 consecutive issues, which is really impressive. I wonder why they got rid of Balent — I mean, I assume sales had something to do with it, but it’s still odd. DC released one big collection of Balent’s Catwoman, which is fine, but I don’t think they did any others. I wonder if they’ll ever do the rest. On page 29, we learn that Jerry Siegel’s wife and daughter filed a lawsuit to revoke the transfer of Superman’s copyright to DC from back in 1938. A DC spokesperson said that the lawsuit was frivolous. This took a while to work its way through the courts, but I’m sure you all remember what happened, because all the fanboys went nuts when they thought Superman wasn’t going to be published anymore!
Moving on, Marvel Mania, the comics-themed restaurant at Universal Studios Escape, closed its doors. So sad! On the next page, Tony Daniel was creating F5, a comic about … former Navy Seals posing as meteorologists who track down villains all over the world? That was a thing? Listen, I read that one issue of The Tenth some years ago, and while Daniel didn’t write it, just draw it, it was not good at all. Did anyone read this sucker? It appears it only made it four issues, but hey, maybe it was good! In a sidebar on page 32, Wizard has a brief overview of Oni Press, which became a big name in late 1998 with Kevin Smith’s Clerks comic. Oni is, of course, still around, and they’re doing pretty good comics! Mike Allred was launching AAA Comics — I’m not sure if Allred is still doing new comics under it, but the web site is still active, so good for him! In other weird news, Wizard lets us know that Keith Giffen (!) and Scott Hampton (!) will be doing “The Illustrated Bible,” to be published in the pages of … Penthouse? I imagine Giffen got nowhere near to finishing this, but I guess some of it exists? That sure is something! Finally, in the “Thumbs Up/Thumbs Down” section, they give Thumbs Down to Marvel overusing Mysterio, a few months after Kevin Smith killed him off in Daredevil; Hal Jordan as the Spectre; and Devin Grayson’s Titans, which they think stinks. Oh dear.
On pages 38-39, we get the story about Black Bull, Gareb Shamus’s new publishing concern. They mention Gatecrasher by Waid, Conner, and Palmiotti as the only title at the moment, but the company did release other comics, because I have a few of them. A lot of the article is taken up with discussing how Wizard would cover comics published by the guy who runs Wizard. It’s kind of adorable how concerned everyone was about the conflict of interest of it all, as that has gone completely by the boards in our monopolistic age. Black Bull didn’t last too long, but I guess Shamus scratched an itch, so good for him!
Wizard has a press release about Stan Lee’s new comic, The 7th Portal, which was going on his web site. It sounds pretty terrible, but it was interesting how they were putting it online and trying to blend comics and cartoons. It didn’t work, of course, but it’s not a bad idea. Did anyone ever read anything from StanLee.net? Also from the interwebs, Wizard did a bracket of 64 superheroes and let fans vote on the best ones, and … Thor won? That’s kind of nuts. I’m not sure what the criteria was — could so-and-so beat so-and-so in a fight, or just who you like more, but when Silver Surfer beats Batman (52-48%, so not by a lot, but still), something doesn’t smell right. But hey, Thor was having a moment at the time, so good for him!
There’s a quick preview of the Ennis/Dillon Punisher that would show up in 2000. As I have often noted, I did not like Ennis’s Punisher, even though everyone loves it, and I gave it quite a while to get good. This is the first Marvel Knights iteration — “Welcome Back, Frank” — and I’ve read it and the first 12 issues of the MAX series (yes, I know there was one in between). That’s a long time for it to still suck, people!
On page 62, Wizard picks “six of the 21st century’s superstar creators” — their annual look at up-and-comers in the industry, although that’s a bit bolder than usual! I love these, because sometimes, Wizard really nails it, and sometimes, they really don’t. Like their first choice, Keu Cha, who was drawing Rising Stars at the time. Cha is perfectly fine as an artist, but he really never became that big a name in comics. Joe Casey was their next choice, and while I very much like Casey’s writing, I’m not sure if he’s ever become a big star in comics — he made all his money in animation, so he writes weird-ass stuff that I dig but does not endear him to a larger audience. Pat Lee is another of their choices, and I noted in a recent column that Lee never did much in comics. Oh dear. Wizard thinks J. Michael Straczynski is another soon-to-be-big name, and JMS has done some big stuff in comics, so I guess, like Casey, we’ll give them a qualified thumbs up with that selection. Warren Ellis is their next choice, which seems a bit like cheating, as Ellis was already a pretty big name at the time. Ellis remained a superstar until … well, you know. All of these choices are, as Wizard puts it, “the next …”, and for the next “Bob Harras,” they choose Tom Brevoort. I mean, they seem to think Harras is great, but why anyone would want to be the next Bob Harras is beyond me, as Marvel went through probably their most creatively bankrupt time in its history while he was in charge (and, you know, bankruptcy). Brevoort is not a bad choice, as he’s been working for Marvel all this time and doing what I can only assume is good work (when he’s not picking on poor comics bloggers who wonder why nobody at Marvel can spell words correctly), so good on you, Wizard!
Moving on, Wizard has a fun story about comics that might happen. You know, a creator mentions how cool it would be to do a Looker/Dazzler 12-issue crossover and the fanboys eat it up (wait, is that just me?). First up: a Kingdom Come/Earth X crossover, which Alex Ross says will never happen. I mean, I doubt if Ross owns any of the characters, so it certainly could happen, but Ross won’t do it! Next: JLA/Avengers! It took a few years, but this finally showed up in 2003. Good for George Pérez! Next: Dark Knight Returns 2! Oh dear, Wizard, maybe you should be careful what you wish for. Miller was being coy at this time, but this came out not too long after this issue (I mean, over a year, but still), so who knows when Miller actually began it. It looks like it took him an afternoon to draw it, so maybe he really hadn’t conceived anything at this time! Marvels 2 is next on the wish list, which Wizard admits already happened with Marvel: Code of Honor, which nobody liked. So … why bring it up, Wizard? Ross had no interest in a “Marvels 3,” and why would he? Finally … Watchmen 2. BWAH-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!!! DC, to their … credit?, held off on this for a long, long time, but the sweet stench of cash and the added bonus of fucking Alan Moore directly in the bunghole was too much for them! They also wonder whatever happened to The Maxx (Kieth was just done with it), Hellshock (Jae Lee got busy doing other things), Leave it to Chance (Smith had some personal issues), and Hepcats (Martin Wagner … disappeared?). No questions about Big Numbers, I see!
After a goofy few pages in which Wizard humorously predicts what will happen in the next decade, we get a story in which Kurt Busiek, J. Scott Campbell, Paul Dini, and Michael Turner discuss the future of comics. It’s a pretty interesting interview, even though, looking back on it from a quarter-century, they don’t really say anything too revolutionary and, sadly, not too much has changed. They note that the internet will change things, which is true, and Busiek mentions that Kaare Andrews could be a big thing, and Andrews has done a lot of work over the years, and they also note that DC seems to do better with its trade paperback program than Marvel does, but that wasn’t a surprise to anyone at the time. It would be kind of fun to see someone interview the three survivors of this meeting (Turner, of course, would be dead in a few years) and see what they think of their answers these days. Interestingly, they ask them who their favorite comics writers and artists are. Busiek, 39, says Caniff and Kirby. Campbell, 26, says Hama and Arthur Adams. Dini, 40, says Eisner for both. Turner, 28, says Moore and Silvestri. That was kind of fun.
Then it’s time for a casting call. You knew it was coming! Wizard, carrying Alex Ross’s jock like they always do, casts an Earth X movie. Captain America is … Stone Cold Steve Austin? I mean … what? Wizard has always loved pro wrestlers, and if they think Cap is just going to fight a lot, maybe, but … what? All right, let’s move on! Old Man Tony Stark is Sean Connery, which, sure. Tom Arnold is Ben Grimm, which … I guess? They cast Anthony Hopkins as Old Man Reed Richards, which might work, but I’m not so sure. Natasha Henstridge is Thor, and I wonder if Wizard thinks that this will be a silent movie, because at some point Stone Cold and Henstridge are going to have to talk. They cast Ryan Reynolds as Daredevil, citing his work on Bill Reed’s favorite show of all time, Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pizza Place. They have Kirsten Johnson as Clea, which works, I think. Johnson has been doing B-movies and random television guest spots for 20 years, so maybe this would have been her ticket to bigger fame! And apparently she dated Ryan Reynolds at about this time, so they could talk about that on set! For 11-year-old Bruce Banner, they give us Frankie Muniz, while they cast Billy Bob Thornton as the Hulk. I mean, it works, but it’s still weird. For Old Man Wolverine and Old Lady Jean Grey, they cast Robert Loggia and Ann-Margret (ages at the time: 69 and 58), and, honestly, I would watch an entire movie about those two as Logan and Jean, bickering about shit. Holy cats, that’s great casting. They get Kurtwood Smith as the Elderly Scott Summers (“Mr. S” in the Earth X universe), which I do not like, simply because Smith is too danged cool to play a milquetoast like Scott Fucking Summers. Finally, there’s a Kid Skull in Earth X-land, and Wizard casts Macaulay Culkin, which is fine. He was 18/19 at the time and on an acting hiatus, so who knows if he would have done this, but it’s not a bad choice. On a side note, I hope he and Brenda Song stay together, because their commercials for that game — Royal Kingdom — are adorable. On the whole, that is a weird-ass cast. I don’t think it would work, but good for you for the bonkers quotient of it all, Wizard!
Wizard checks out Hollywood stuff, and first up is a fairly large article about Brian Pulido’s Lady Death becoming an animated movie. It was scheduled for March 2001 but didn’t come out until 2004, but I guess that’s good that it came out at all. Did anyone ever see this? Pulido is a local guy, so he always has a big presence at the Phoenix convention and some of the dudes at the comic book store know him pretty well and say he’s quite the character, but he’s doing his thing, so good for him! McFarlane was trying to get Torso, Bendis’s serial-killer story, made into a movie, but it’s never gotten off the ground. On the next page, there’s an item about The Specials, which the producer describes as “Spinal Tap meets Batman” — it’s about dysfunctional superheroes, I guess. Ok, I’ve never heard of this (well, I did back when I read this in 1999, but it flew out my consciousness pretty quickly), and if you haven’t either, check this out: Rob Lowe, Jamie Kennedy, and Thomas Haden Church are in it. Melissa Joan Hart and Paget Brewster are in it. Judy Greer, Jenna Fischer, and Michael Weatherly are in it. It was written by — hold onto your hats — James Gunn. JAMES GUNN! Which means, of course, that Sean Gunn (and James himself) are in it. It made — watch out! — $13,000 at the box office. THIRTEEN THOUSAND DOLLARS!!!! If anyone has seen this movie, please let me know. I feel like I should watch it, yet I fear to!
Dang, let’s check out the latest X-Men news. James Marsden was finally confirmed as Scott Summers, and the release date was moved to 30 June 2000. It ended up being a few weeks after that, but here’s the thing: it came out in July 2000, and this issue, which came out in October 1999 (I can’t find the exact release date, but it was late October … maybe the 27th?), still had Dougray Scott as Wolverine. I can’t find when Jackman came on board, but how late in the day was it? You would think they would have finished filming by October for a July release, and I can’t remember what came out about reshoots or anything. Maybe a future issue of Wizard will help me! This is just surprising, that’s all. There’s also a two-page article about Kevin Smith’s Dogma finally getting released, which was nice. I like Dogma, and I’m glad it’s finally out from Weinstein Hell, and Wizard, who put down Ross’s jock for a bit to carry Smith’s, does a nice job explaining why it took so long to get out into the world.
For their latest tutorial about art, Wizard gets Tim Sale to tell us how to draw Batman. They should have asked Breyfogle, because it would have been one word: “Cape.” Sale doesn’t scrimp on the cape, of course, and the rest of it is pretty interesting. There is a “the future is coming …” sidebar in this section in which Wizard notes that a lot of comics are foregoing inking as computers become more prominent, which is fairly prescient of them. Inking has fallen by the wayside a bit in the new millennium. I’m not certain that’s a good thing!
On pages 110-111, we get readers’ art, with versions of Joseph Michael Linsner’s Dawn. They are, frankly, all pretty awesome:
They have their usual assortment of cool toys ‘n’ such, and on page 118, we find this:
I mean, cool and all, but this feels like a scam, doesn’t it? Like a ur-NFT kind of thing? I mean, trading cards are a bit bizarre anyway, but digital trading cards?
Once again, Wizard shows off some disturbing predictive powers when we get to the Top 10 Desolate Comic Book Futures. Most of them are what you’d expect, but Wizard throws this one in at #5:
Of course, they didn’t predict how much worse it could get!
We always have to check out the Wizard Top 10 creators, and this time, there are some new faces!
I know I do advertisements at the end, but some are too good to pass up. Here’s one:
I read an issue of this back in the day, and boy howdy, it was straight trash. That was the second volume, though. Maybe this first one was really good!
On that cheery note, we come to another end of my look-backs at Wizard. There’s nothing that interesting about what topped the charts five years earlier, and there’s nothing that interesting on the last page — Wizard tells us the fates of their staffers, because they’re goofy that way. I will, however, leave you with more advertisements — maybe not as excellent as the one right above this, but still pretty keen! Included is the back of the magazine. Remember that ad campaign? I don’t even know what it was about!!!! Altoids, maybe?
Thanks for reading, everyone. I hope you have a good day!
